Over the past two months, we transitioned from a crazy decision one evening in November to actually leaving the country for a year.
Since then we have had a family reconciliation Thanksgiving, we have sorted, packed and moved two houses into a 9’ x 19’ storage unit, gone to LA for family Christmas, hosted family in San Jose, sold 3 vehicles, had two dental surgery interventions, held a party for 45 people, created a blog and distribution list, got our luggage, water filter and other essentials, visas, traveller's checks, a year of medications, attended a travel clinic briefing and got our vaccinations ...Oh, yes, we also visited family on the East Coast for a week just before leaving for Asia and, least but not last, closed –almost– all administrative affairs.
Were we totally burned out by the time we were on our way? Stretch goals do work... We did it! And have been recovering ever since..
Such an intensely goal-driven work load and its related stress were drastically contrasting -it felt they were in fact conflicting- with the entire purpose of our journey: slow down, reflect and create space for well being through physical and spiritual practice. Luckily, we did not realize all the details and tasks required.
As Kamala said, had we been preparing to die, we would have done just about the very same things.
Everything boiled down to that one last day, final box, ultimate package or letter to be sent, last call to be given or suitcase to be repacked again.
It felt like our entire lives were condensing, all unessential aspects being given, packed or thrown away. My emotions were being squeezed, revealing raw, elemental facets of how I was dealing with the passage from the familiar to the unknown, from comfortable safety to a vulnerable state of losing my habitual security nets, while dealing with overwhelm at the sheer load and variety of tasks at hand.
The transition from a life in which I spend much energy planning and maintaining control, to one with open ends… One that has yet to manifest any anticipated benefits!
The Labyrinth is a metaphor of a concentric path that leads to a center and back. It has been used for centuries in many spiritual edifices and ceremonies throughout the world, as a pilgrimage to center and a tool for inner devlopment. While walking it, the focus is on the inside, on our path rather than on any goal. Once we have come to the center we walk the same steps outwards, back into the world.
These moments of transition are for me like walking a long curve of the Labyrinth of life. Approaching the curve I feel an inner resistance to the changes ahead. While in the long semi circular curve, I have doubts and fears about the outcomes. I sense a lack of immediate results and a loss of direction; I'm impatient, stressed and cranky.This pattern occurs often in life and identifying it puts those situations into perspective. When things aren't going fast enough, when life seems to be on its own process and timeline. For a recent example, I sold my most expensive belonging two days before we left, after being posted for more than a month... but it did sell in time.
The lesson I’m learning again and again is to surrender, to trust that when I have set a firm intent and am actively driving for its realization, the world works with me. I'm learning to believe in my process, while life and time take care of details.
A big part of the world is our support network, friends and family who are happy to help.. if we know to ask. Like Don here who was our last companion towards our new life, indispensable aide in the last 12 hours, or Robin and Dave who hosted us when we didn't have a bed left in the house.As I walk the curves of the Labyrinth of life that seem to never end, I still wonder how to achieve my immediate goal.
Then, there it is; I have come to center without any recollection of how I got there.We are boarding the plane to Thailand.
