Through the long curves of the Labyrinth

As I start blackening the pages of my blog, I acknowledge that we are now really set on our journey.

Over the past two months, we transitioned from a crazy decision one evening in November to actually leaving the country for a year.

Since then we have had a family reconciliation Thanksgiving, we have sorted, packed and moved two houses into a 9’ x 19’ storage unit, gone to LA for family Christmas, hosted family in San Jose, sold 3 vehicles, had two dental surgery interventions, held a party for 45 people, created a blog and distribution list, got our luggage, water filter and other essentials, visas, traveller's checks, a year of medications, attended a travel clinic briefing and got our vaccinations ...

Oh, yes, we also visited family on the East Coast for a week just before leaving for Asia and, least but not last, closed –almost– all administrative affairs.

Were we totally burned out by the time we were on our way? Stretch goals do work... We did it! And have been recovering ever since..

Such an intensely goal-driven work load and its related stress were drastically contrasting -it felt they were in fact conflicting- with the entire purpose of our journey: slow down, reflect and create space for well being through physical and spiritual practice. Luckily, we did not realize all the details and tasks required.

As Kamala said, had we been preparing to die, we would have done just about the very same things.







Everything boiled down to that one last day, final box, ultimate package or letter to be sent, last call to be given or suitcase to be repacked again.



It felt like our entire lives were condensing, all unessential aspects being given, packed or thrown away. My emotions were being squeezed, revealing raw, elemental facets of how I was dealing with the passage from the familiar to the unknown, from comfortable safety to a vulnerable state of losing my habitual security nets, while dealing with overwhelm at the sheer load and variety of tasks at hand.

The transition from a life in which I spend much energy planning and maintaining control, to one with open ends… One that has yet to manifest any anticipated benefits!

The Labyrinth is a metaphor of a concentric path that leads to a center and back. It has been used for centuries in many spiritual edifices and ceremonies throughout the world, as a pilgrimage to center and a tool for inner devlopment. While walking it, the focus is on the inside, on our path rather than on any goal. Once we have come to the center we walk the same steps outwards, back into the world.

These moments of transition are for me like walking a long curve of the Labyrinth of life. Approaching the curve I feel an inner resistance to the changes ahead. While in the long semi circular curve, I have doubts and fears about the outcomes. I sense a lack of immediate results and a loss of direction; I'm impatient, stressed and cranky.

This pattern occurs often in life and identifying it puts those situations into perspective. When things aren't going fast enough, when life seems to be on its own process and timeline. For a recent example, I sold my most expensive belonging two days before we left, after being posted for more than a month... but it did sell in time.

The lesson I’m learning again and again is to surrender, to trust that when I have set a firm intent and am actively driving for its realization, the world works with me. I'm learning to believe in my process, while life and time take care of details.

A big part of the world is our support network, friends and family who are happy to help.. if we know to ask. Like Don here who was our last companion towards our new life, indispensable aide in the last 12 hours, or Robin and Dave who hosted us when we didn't have a bed left in the house.

As I walk the curves of the Labyrinth of life that seem to never end, I still wonder how to achieve my immediate goal.

Then, there it is; I have come to center without any recollection of how I got there.

We are boarding the plane to Thailand.

How did I get here from there? From the inside-out.

After setting out in '74 at age 16 to go to India and never making it, my desire was intact 33 years later to have an authentic life experience in this mystical and magical country. Despite intensive personal and professional world-travel, I had yet to make it to this long-cherished destination. For years I had maintained a firm goal to some day be relocated to Asia and live there a few years to round-off my global life and work experience, after the past 7 years in California, 32 in France, 1 in Africa and 9 in Ohio where I was born.

Kamala, my partner, had been open all along to move to Asia, should I find a job there, and was even more excited if we were to go to India.

Having been laid-off in the midst of a mega high-tech company acquisition, I traveled 3000 miles alone on my motorcycle in October 2007 through the Southwest to regroup and decide where to next take my career, and realized that those few weeks were insufficient to re-actualize myself and determine what I wanted to do for the next 15 years of my life. The idea of a one year sabbatical with the intent to slow down, put my life into perspective and claim my spiritual aspirations was working in the background as I came back to California.

The toll of executive corporate life was hitting my motivation and I just couldn't resolve to immediately take yet another HR role. The past few years had been knee-jerking, grueling for my team and myself. I was gaining clarity on the origins of my difficulty adapting to the company culture and leadership team's style. I guess the clarity was mainly accepting what I knew already and had agreed with myself to deny. It was that my time was consumed in meaningless activities and I was muffling my passions to fit into the role and the environment.

I then reflected on the materialistic turn of my successful corporate life. Looking around my apartment I came to the conclusion that the only one thing I was missing was nothing. And that I should be seeking just that.

So here we are, closing a chapter of our lives, selling our vehicles, packing all our belongings, terminating accounts, moving our two apartments into one 9 x 18 storage unit and embarking with all ends open and few reference points
How will this change us?

How will we deal with all the travel unknowns?

How will we deal with one another?

Where will we be in a year from now?

How will I re-engage with the corporate environment? or will I?

We are leaving California in one week and have been processing the loss we are creating. Every package we move brings us closer to our departure, yet already further from our known life here and affects us in a deeply cathartic way.

Our emotions are colliding in chaotic and unexpected waves. So many things will be distant, some will be lost forever. Our families, friends, comfortable conveniences and known pathways will be left behind. We are shedding our skins. Our identities will be lost. Only to be renewed during our adventure.
To be re-created from the inside out.